My Story of becoming from Atheist to Theist

I have always been a rigidly believer of scientific principles and cogitation. So, I don’t easily believe in anything what people say. If logically a question of ‘believing in god’ won’t fit in my mindset, I will not believe in god. That was the deal. If answerer will convince me with making perfect sense, then I’ll bow down with respect, and from then surely believe in god without a shadow of doubt.

What is the God ? How karma works ? –– to understand these big and complex question, I was very curious when I was at the age of 11 or 12. I had never seen god. So why should I believe in god ?

When I ask people, ‘do you believe in ghost ?’

they says, ‘no way… why should I ?’

then i ask, ‘do you believe in god ?’

they says with smile on face, ‘oh yes… of course…’

then I ask, ‘have you ever seen a ghost or god ???’

they scratch their head with little confusion and says, ‘no… haven’t seen either of them…’

I smiles with a little excitement and says, ‘you haven’t seen any of them. Then why are you believing in god and not in ghost !? Why so much differentiated to ghost ?’

And they didn’t had any clear answer to say.

Anyways, this is what I was thinking when I was at that age. Now it’s seems childish to me.

When home relatives used to ask me, ‘do u believe in god ?’

Then I used to say, ‘yes. I do. But inside my heart I wasn’t believing in god’ because I didn’t have had any clear perception of god. Nobody had told me why should I believe in god ? Even education didn’t teach me about ‘believing in god…’.

When exams used to come, mom usually used to say to me before I went out for exam, ‘Parth, you prayed to god to get god’s blessing ? have you !?’

I rolled my eyeball and said, ‘come on mom… All this formalities are necessary ?’

Mom spoke with a tone of fake anger, ‘this isn’t formalities… this is virtues (sanskara). being atheist is not a great thing… let me see how you pray…. Do it.’

Then reluctantly I picked up my ankle, and stand in front of the statue of god and said, ‘hey man, blessed me.’

I looked back and observe her facial expression. She was staring at me with a spark of anger, as I went out she closed her eyelid in slow motion. She had aversion expression on her face.

Well, now I am a totally different person then I was before. I didn’t become theist suddenly; nobody had scared me to believe in god. Nobody had told me if you don’t believe in god, you are committing big sin. No. my granddad’s answer made me think. And that answer gradually leads me to the path of theist. A new perspective had changed my entire belief system. And that changed me completely inside out. Now I believe in god with whole heartedly. His precious golden words of wisdom will always echo into my mind till the last breath I’ll inhale.

So, here is my story of becoming theist.

After study 11^th – 12^th , I used to come from school or tuition before sunset. All day studying books and listening teachers lecture I got pretty much bored. So I used to sit with my granddad to fresh up mood. In our conversation (satsang) I used to ask him my common question. And he couldn’t have clear answer of my question. And we end up our satsang with unanswered question.

But that day was different than others. Something unforgettable I had listened from him, which was imprinted into my mind forever.

As always I asked him same question that day, ‘show me your god ? give me proof of it ? than I will believe in god.’ I was saying in very egoistic way.

Granddad coughed and cleared his throat, then said with little anger expression, ‘god is not a thing that I can show you. This physical eyes are not capable to look at him. We can only experience and feel his existence. We need to develop perspective to look him. Once you do it, then god is everywhere. ’ he closed his old deepened eyelids and smiled with lasted two yellow teeth.

Me : come on, dadu (granddad). Don’t talk in air. Be logical.

Granddad : okay, bring one cup of milk.

I thought, to answer the god existence, milk has nothing to do with it. But anyway, I brought it and put it in front of him.

I asked him with questionable face : why is this milk for ???

Granddad didn’t answer, in fact he asked : can you give me ghee (clarified butter) from milk right now…!

I said : I can’t give it right now, but it’s takes process to get it.

Granddad said : but I can see ghee into the milk. Can’t you see it ?

I stir my finger into the cup and checked if it is there ? but it wasn’t.

I said : I can’t see ghee into the milk. It is only milk.

Granddad : no, there is a ghee in it. I can see it. Can’t you see it ?

I got a little angry on his absurd talk. And said : I can’t see ghee in it dadu. It’s a milk.

Granddad got serious and asked : okay, what will you do to get ghee out of milk ?

I said : from milk I’ll get yogurt, from yogurt I’ll get butter milk, from butter milk I’ll get butter, from butter I’ll get ghee for you. (but I won’t let you eat. Cause you’ve already got enough cholesterol. Dadu laughed with almost empty mouth.)

Granddad : very good, its takes process to get ghee, right ?

I nodded.

Granddad : could you able see ghee into the milk without processing ?

I shook my head.

Granddad : exactly, we can’t see ghee into the milk without processing ? but that doesn’t means ghee isn’t there into the milk, right ?

Me : right… ghee is already into the milk. Only needs process to get it.

Granddad : yes, it’s takes process. Same thing applicable for your question of the god existence. You can’t see god that doesn’t means god isn’t exist. God is everywhere. Same like ghee is everywhere into the milk. We can’t see Ghee until we process. And we can’t see god until we don’t create perspective of looking him. He is everywhere. Just like air. Air is an invisible but that doesn’t mean air isn’t here. It’s is here, it’s everywhere. That’s why we breathing isn’t it ? if develop a perspective of looking to god everywhere, then god is everywhere. Faith and trust are the two huge pillars to experience god. If you develop unbreakable trust in yourself, and faith in god, then god is everywhere. This level doesn’t come over night. It’s takes process. Just like to get ghee from milk it’s takes process. No need to find him in church or temple. He isn’t live only there. He is right inside us. In a form of the energy.

I was stunned by what granddad had said. Especially example of the milk and air. Curtain of illusion and disbelief was felled down. New perspective had taken place into my sight. I didn’t become suddenly theist. But from that day, the journey of theist had been started. I will always be grateful to him. For clarification of The God.

Writer – Parth Toroneel.